Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Stress, stress, stress

Things around here have been stressful lately (which is why I have been kind of absent) Between working a lot, the house not having sold yet and L stressing out because the house hasn't sold yet, I had to take a short leave of absence from the online world. I have felt kind of disconnected from my online friends but hopefully I am ready to get back into the swing of things with my work hours being normal again.

But back to L. The stress of selling the house is really getting to him. In a 'normal' world there is no real reason for that. He doesn't have to take care of the bills since I do that, the house has been on the market not all that long yet and we had a couple interests on it just nothing that worked out in the end, ...

The problem is that he is really good at playing the 'What if...' game. Only his tends to be very focused on possible negative outcomes with little room for positive. It is something he has been trying to work on for a long time but stress aggravates this problem for him. The more stressed he gets the more negative his thinking gets. The more stressed he gets the more irritable he gets as well.

I try to stay positive because it simply doesn't do anybody any good if neither of us believe things will work out okay. And afterall, there is nothing saying that the house won't sell anytime soon. We could get an offer today, tomorrow or next week. Even if it isn't until next month that would be okay.

Yet getting L to emotionally understand that (because logically speaking he knows that that is the truth) is a different matter all together. It is a work in progress. So until then



Melissa Mashburn said...

I have no idea how open L is to suggestions right now,however, I do know that "What if" game rather intimately. One thing my counselor had me do that I found very effective, is only worry two times a day, fifteen minutes at a time.

That way there as no pressure to just stop it, because you can't. You were still able to worry, you just had to confine it during those time slots. It was much more effective than you might think it would be.

Jamie said...

Oh, the "what if" game... I used to play that all the time. Then I made a deal with my husband. If he could show me that he was worried about the same thing and actively taking steps towards creating a positive outcome, then I would stop worrying. After all, he's better at worrying about things than me (has a generally positive outlook on life) and if he's worrying about something, then I don't have to ruin my day worrying about the same thing. Yes, it sounds strange as I type it out, but it's worked for about 14 years now ;-) Could L let you do the worrying and focus on something else instead?

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