Thursday, August 5, 2010

Old fears are returning

With L trying to be more active and having made friends some of my old fears are returning. I am constantly on the lookout for signs of anything that might be going wrong. His last experience of making friends has scarred us both. It almost ended in the end of our marriage. Twice. So there is a lot of baggage attached to him making friends.

He needs his own friends and people he can do things with and where he feels accepted and as part of something. He needs to be able to lead at least part of his normal life without me there. After all these years it has become such a 'normal' part of our life for him to be always there that it feels so strange when he is gone. Considering that we have survived submarine deployments of 3-6 months with VERY limited communication this is a huge change from 3+years ago.

I want to trust in his ability to make the right decisions. We both need to believe that he can and will do just that but I am struggling with just that. Every time he is with his friends I wait anxiously for him to come home. I am hoping that as time progresses I will be able to relax and be able to go with the flow.

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