Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The rain clouds are back

Last week was extremely busy yet so rewarding. By the end of it I was EXHAUSTED. While I had a good week the same cannot be said for L. Over the past week he kept getting deeper and deeper into a new depression. He stopped playing his computer game he normally plays with his friends, in addition to sleeping most of the day he now also sleeps all night long and he is just getting very discouraged with himself and is feeling as if he will never get better.

We go through this every few months. I told him that I believe in him and his ability to get better. How much good does it though if he himself doesn't believe? For most of his life he had been told that he would end up 'just like his father', which was never meant as a compliment. His father left the family when L was little and (according to L's family) was a good-for-nothing alcoholic. Now how is that for a role model? L's mom and grandparents told him this because they believed it would help L NOT become like his father. Instead, L internalized this and has very low self esteem. After all, why believe in yourself if you will just become a 'good-for-nothing alcoholic'? All of our married life I have tried to steer L away from that thinking and until things started to take a turn for the worse in 2007 seemed to be making headway.

Now, I am not so sure. I believe in him and his abilities but how far will that get him if HE doesn't?


Rachel said...

I would pray consistently for him and for protection of his mind. Don't give up hope. The Lord is not in a small box.

This will always be something he and you will deal with to some degree, whether he gets amazingly better or slightly better. Pray for yourself, too. Pray for the wisdom to know how to be towards him during these times.

Melissa Mashburn said...

He needs to believe in himself, even if it is only a little bit. Without that it will be difficult for him to turn things around or to face the detours.

I will keep praying for you and him and your whole family.

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