Thursday, May 6, 2010

R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me

I had another session with my counselor yesterday and we talked about this blog for a little bit. During that conversation she said something I hadn't thought about that way before. She asked me if maybe one of the reasons why I am doing this blog is maybe wanting to get respect and recognition for what I do at home day in and day out. It might sound like a selfish reason to write about these things but in the end, I do deserve to be a bit selfish at times.

When L is doing well he does tell me that he is thankful for what I have done and am doing and that he appreciates all of it. When he isn't doing well the complete opposite happens. I have been told to stop mothering him, that I am too controlling, that I am taking away all his freedoms,... Yet the times that he isn't doing well are the times I crave the recognition the most.

That might be the exact reason why in the past I stopped writing in this blog when things started getting better. I simply started hearing these things from L again. Until the next time things started to get worse again.

I am someone that tends to bottle things up when it comes to L. I keep things in until I can't anymore and I explode. This blog is giving me the opportunity to get things out and deal with them in a more healthy way. I am still doing this because it helps other people and because I want to help fight the stigma. Behind all of that is still the need though to get recognized in a positive light even when things are not well at home.

Call it selfish, call it what you will. In the end, all these reasons can co-exist peacefully in this blog. All I am hoping is that you as the reader are able to get something out of this blog.


Kristin said...

Yes, as care takers we want our hard work - the negotiating, reasoning, abuse absorbing/deflecting - all of it, to be recognized. There is nothing normal about the job when our loved one is symptomatic. There really is no comparison to the regular taking care of a house, the tending to dogs and cats, the getting the laundry done, the shlepping the kids all over the place, and going to work and the job of juggling the needs of a mentally ill family member. That job alone is often overwhelming. When there is a break, I totally understand why you do not want to focus on the problem. So, let the blog sit for awhile and enjoy the break.
Or, use the blog to share the good times, too.
Those of us who walk in your shoes understand that you do not have to explain when something flares up again. It is part of the illness. But, all of us like to read about peace. Know about the things that clicked and made life a little easier.
Best to you, Kris, and bravo for all you do for your husband and family!

shadowlight8 said...

I don't think that's selfish at all, you deserve recognision for what you do. I may not be a carer, but my partner is my carer in many ways and I think what he does is amazing and it makes my life so much more managable, even just the little things he does that he doesn't even seem to realise th impact of.

I think that everyone needs some recognision now and then, esspecially in the role of a carer as otherwise it could all just get too much or you could sort of start to loose heart (as it were).

Also, it's good to have an outlet - bottling things up really isn't healthy and eventually those things will come out often in an explosive fashion

Beth Layne said...

Your blog is a wonderful coping mechanism for you, and one that allows you to relieve your stress somewhat. That's exactly what creative outlets are for - relieving that which needs to be released in an art form. I'm quite sure your expressing yourself here also helps someone else who may find themselves going up shore in the same boat! I see nothing at all wrong with it - in fact, I see everything right with it, in the form of taking care of you, which you must take time out to do! Much love to you!

Kris said...

Thank you everyone! I am so thankful for the opportunities this blog gives me and all the wonderful people I have met because of it.

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