Saturday, April 24, 2010

I will be completely honest...

One thing that is always heavily on my mind is the question about what effect L's illness will have on our two girls. There is no doubt in my mind that he loves them with all his heart. But there are still times when he gets so irritated that he will yell at them for small things. I am thankful that Miss K was so little when his problems first started getting bad because she will not have any memory of those days.

What is happening now is a different story. I try to explain to her that her daddy is sick but how much of that does a three-year old really understand? On L's bad days I hold her extra tight and just keep telling her that her daddy loves her. He apologizes to her after outbursts but again, what of that will she remember and understand? Now don't get me wrong, these outburst nowadays are few and far between.
Miss K is rather guarded around her daddy and at times will refuse to hug him. I know it hurts L so much and in a way makes him afraid to reach out to her out of fear of being rejected. He missed out on a lot of good socialization opportunities with her. From her actions I really think that she WANTS him to pay more attention to her. They both want it but are afraid the other one will reject them.

Miss K and L have made a lot of headway compared to were they used to be. L has gone 'camping' with her in the backyard and we are finally were he is more comfortable with being left home alone with her (recent crisis excluded lol). So aside from making sure they have opportunities to be just the two of them all I can do is keep trying to explain to the girls what is going on in words that they understand and give them all opportunities to play together and bond.

1 comment:

Sonya's World said...

We don't have children, yet. But we want them. And my wife is really nervous about how she will be as a mother. First off, she's scared to pass down mental illness through her genes, and at times she says her first choice is to adopt. At other times, she's afraid she won't be able to love her future children, since she cannot love herself. I imagine that L must feel some of those same feelings. And for you, as a mother, your anxieties about how your children are able to cope with this seem to me completely understandable. Painful, but understandable. I hope that you don't beat yourself up for having these doubts...they are valid.

My answer to all of these problems is love. Children want to be loved, they want to forgive you, they want to make you happy. Outbursts are forgiveable, and forgiven, when there is love in the equation. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job making your daughter feel loved. Hopefully your husband, as the father, can help to show his love as well. Because if that's the case, these outbursts are tolerable.

As always, best of luck navigating these insecurities and concerns.

Popular Posts