Over the past weeks of doing this dare (I hope you have been playing along with me), we have worked on kindness, thankfulness, togetherness, to make it short, a lot of ness-ness. But no matter how much we WORK on all of these we cannot achieve true agape love. It is something beyond our explanation. We can continue to work on us and our relationship but just like you didn't chose to fall in love with this person you don't 'chose' to stay on love. It is just something that happens. All we can do is keep working on things.
Many people have questioned why I am staying married to L after everything that has happened over the past few years. To that I say that we were never promised that things will be easy. In my marriage vows I promised to love him for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, for better and for worse. I am not going to stop loving him just because things get difficult. Yes, there have been times when I have questioned my love for him. Times, when circumstances seemed to outweigh everything else and when I had to take some quiet time to remind myself of WHY I was doing what I was doing. Doubt is normal when things get difficult. In the end all we can do is give it our best and do what we can with what we have. There have also been times when L doubted his love for me. There would have been nothing I could have done to change that if he had decided that that was the truth.
There is no way to explain why we love someone. We might scratch the surface but the true reasons are oftentimes unknown to us. Love is impossible not because it isn't possible to love but simply because it is not possible for us to truly understand it.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
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