Friday, April 2, 2010

~Dare 17~ Love promotes intimacy

I know I skipped two days of Love Dare blogging but first things were a little crazy and yesterday was extremely busy at work. Plus the weather has been BEAUTIFUL while I was stuck inside until 4pm on both days. How much are you willing to bet that since I'll be off work tomorrow the weather will take a turn for the worse?

The two lessons we missed were 'Love is honorable' and 'Love intercedes'. Today we are moving on to love and intimacy. We can be close to a good friend we have known to childhood, our siblings and parents. But generally nobody knows us as well and as deeply as our spouse. That knowledge can lead to a lot of good because they know when we are down (many times even before we realize it fully or are willing to admit), they know when we need a helping hand, a loving word, a hug or someone to celebrate with us. All without having to say a word. This knowledge is a double edged sword though. With all its power to do good, it also has the power to tear as down and wound as faster and deeper than anyone else. We know exactly what buttons to push to get a reaction out of them.

Which one are you and your partner using most in your relationship right now? Be honest with yourself and don't just look at what your partner is doing but also look at what YOU are doing. Does knowing that your partner knows your secrets make you feel safe or unsafe? Can he or she be safe in the knowledge that you know their secrets? If the answer is no, then there is temptation to look for that safety elsewhere. We all want to feel safe but if we cannot be safe even at home that is a terrible feeling.

There are different types of secrets, some we need to accept, others we can work on with our spouse. What we have to do though with them (unless of course they are of certain illegal and reprehensible nature or are dangerous to you or them) is accept them as part of our spouse and not use them as ammunition in fights with our spouse or hold them over their head as a threat. We also must make sure that we don't use these secrets as fodder for small talk with other people. If any of these things are broken we lose trust in our spouse. Trust is a vital part in any relationship and can be extremely difficult to rebuild. If the trust has been broken we need to actively start rebuilding. Make that commitment today.

Today's dare:
Determine to guard your mate's secrets and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe


Lis said...

I love this post! Very wise words here. :)

Kris said...

Thank you. I wish I could take full credit but the basic ideas at least came from the book. :D

Lis said...

I should probably check out this book! Haha.

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