Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The 'China Dragon' has been spying on me...

Last Sunday we had ordered Chinese Take-Out. Food was good (YUMMY Fried Cheese Wontons...) and we always enjoy reading the little things in the fortune cookies. Miss K calls them 'name tags' for some reason. Anyway, this one was mine


It said 'Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst'. L and I just looked at each other and started laughing. They must have been spying on us in order for me to get that fortune... It's been one of my mantras for so long now. I try to enjoy the good times to the fullest but in the back of my mind there is always this little voice reminding me to be ready for when things start getting worse again. And I have to admit that at times enjoying the good times can be difficult BECAUSE I am worried about the bad times that I am usually sure will come again. It has become a question of when it will get bad again and not if it will happen.

I hate feeling like that and I am trying to stay away from that thinking because when I do it makes enjoying the good times more difficult.


Paula said...

Can relate. Lately I became more balanced. The highs not so high anymore, the lows not so low anymore. It is still a strange feeling tough. For years I tried to understand and apply the concept of "one day at a time". Had to break it down even further. Just for one hour no worrying, 3h, half a day.... By now I can go with the flow of one day....
Hugs across the pond

Sonya's World said...

I think that "optimism" is like economics. In theory, it all makes a ton of sense. However, once you have to put it into effect in the real world, where there can be surmounting evidence to either encourage pessimism, or if not that extreme, at least uncertainty, well then optimism can be a lot harder to hang onto. I've certainly had my struggle as well. But keep hanging on!

I tried commenting on an earlier post as well, but I think my comment got lost somewhere. I wanted to congratulate you for going to counseling. It's critical! My therapist has helped me navigate my crisis...I don't know where I would be without her! I hope you continue to take advantage of the professional world that can help you as well.

Kris said...

@Paula, there are definitely days when getting just through the next 10minutes can be a huge struggle.

@Sonya's World, thank you for your encouragement. Uncertainty can definitely be a optimism killer. The smallest doubt at times can creep in and suddenly things appear in a very different light.

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