Saturday, March 20, 2010

Ever felt like you are in a holding pattern?

Do you ever feel as if your life has been put on hold? I felt that way for a long time. From the time that my husband was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder over 2 1/2 years ago until maybe a year ago, my life consisted of taking care of my husband and daughter and being there for them. I always put myself and my needs last. And while I have made progress in remembering to take care of myself it is still something I struggle with almost daily. I think that that is something many of us who live with someone with (severe) mental health issues struggle with. We need to learn where to draw the line between their needs and ours. There are many times when we feel as if we have to walk on eggshells because we worry about seeting of an episode of depression/anger/etc. At least that is what it was for me and still is.

Even when things are going well, I have devloped this mindset of always beeing on the lookout for the smallest sign of a manic episode, the sign of things taking a turn for the worst... It is not doing me any good and it isn't helping Luke either. One of the reasons for me starting counseling is the fact that I have developed the habit of reacting instinctevely and by getting defensive/retreating simply because of a similar situation in the past.

We both have a lot of work in front of us if we want this marriage to work but I hope and pray that we can beat the statistics and not end up divorced.

What do YOU do to make sure that you are taken care of?

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