There are so many things in my life right now that I would love to happen. Seeing my family again for the first time in over three years and have them meet my husband and daughter. Going back to college to either become a teacher or a psychologist. So many things that would be wonderful.
But I think that while there are so many possible answers to this question for me, the answer is still very easy. I would give anything to get back my husband the way he was before his mental health problems got the better of him. Sure, he is here with me. He isn't deploying, nor traveling for a job. He is here with us, yet he isn't really here. It is a shell of the person I fell in love with and married. I would give anything to have him back as his normal self. The guy who laughs and jokes around. The guy who always tells me how beautiful and wonderful I am. The guy I can have hour long conversations with.
But for now all those things are in the past. We are on our way to get him back but it will be a long and difficult road to achieve it. And who knows how much of the old Luke I will ever get back and how much is forever lost.
My wish, if I could have anything in this world, is not even as much for me as it is for my husband and my daughter so that they will be able to have a normal daddy-daughter relationship. Undisturbed by this terrible looming shadow that Luke's mental illness is on this family at this time.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
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